--The Library:


I did my best moonwalk through the different aisles, they were lined with books as far as I could see. This is not to say it was a straight endless path, it's just that as far as I've seen, it's only been books. The bookshelfs are intriguing, some are placed in relative order, some are quite peculiar in shape and are simply placed haphazardly. Maps, models, they leaned against either the bookshelfs or the wall, which was a dull green. The walls were illuminated by standard hallogens.

The strangest aspect to this place is the music. It seems to permeate from every angle, as if I am constantly the focal point. Not overly loud, but the beats and emotional innvocations compell me to simply dance along, flipping through different books at random. Some of them are classics, I start to get really into them but if the music changes, I'm compelled to move along to another. Failure to do so results in extreme hunger and depression.

I heard someone a couple isles over so I decided to mosey on over for a 'what's up?'. The had a pretty hefty book held in both of his hands, he was staring into it, transfixed.

"Heya stranger"

I said it casually, I didn't in fact know this man really, but I run into him all the time. We never really have a whole lot to say, but it's still nice to see a face every now and then.

"Hey, tell me what have you learned since the last time we talked?" he said, still staring into the book before finally heaving it shut and placing it back on the shelf. He turned to me with a grin.

I gave a slight laugh; it is a joke many of us tell each other. When we first realized we were in this place we were more interested in where each of us was, seeing if anyone had heard anything. Little did we know that this little experiment or whatever the fuck it is doesn't really allow for any learning, or perhaps it's just that nothing ever changes but the music? I don't know, but I do know the lyrics to a whole lot of songs. "Hey what book was that big one?" I asked, slithering over to him on a wave of lyrical prose.

"Here, check it out" he said, reaching down to fetch the book from the shelf.

I took the book with one hand and brought it to my other one before opening it up. As usual I looked down to find the same ambiguous square of vampiric squid ink. The edges are definite, a portal I could literally fall into. The abyss of reason, it consumes all color from my world. Is this the exit? Is this the answer? I need to know how I got in this building!

Lately I've seriously considered withstanding the hunger sickness. Perhaps if I lost enough weight I could squeeze through into this realm.

I stood there on the second hand of the clock I was watching; being sprung forward across an interval to a new place. This is the essense of my time, I do not feel surrounded, I do not swim in it's wake, nor am I pushed by it's flow, rather I am the waterskier who skips across the sometimes bumpy waves.

As this character, I reached up to wipe some of what was either sea water or sweat from my forehead before reaching for my mug of spring water and slowly bringing it to my lips for a careful sip. A spill in my profession is disasterous.

"Alright, we're on in 3, 2"

The stage director didn't say 1, but as she counted down on her fingers, she proceeded to zero after she stopped talking. I always wondered why she didn't just say 'Alright we're on in' and then countdown with the fingers only? I continued to ponder this as the words came out of my mouth.

"Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, up next we are joined by Hollywood funnyman Rudy Gannis..."

Cuecards and teleprompters are quite strange in that you find the words literally coming out of your mouth independant of.. anything really. You simply look, and the words will follow. I imagine it is for this reason only that I've had the ability to do this show for so long without going insane. You know how you see tv show hosts jotting down random things on a peice of paper? It's notes like those that made this story possible. You can do alot of quality thinking at work, I find when I come home I want to rest my mind as well as my body. I have a very demanding job - that is, for a hollywood one.

"...Ok, he's a very funny guy, and you can catch him at the Bellagio on saturdays; here to do some of his standup for us is the very funny, Rudy Gannis"

I had never even seen or talked to this young man before, this is often the case with these small time comic spotlights. He walked out. The first thing I noticed was his dress; it was almost too trendy, he looked like one of those people you would see on ET judging the worst and best dressed people of the Oscars or some shit like that. Then he opened his mouth.

"So it's good to be in LA, I'm originally from Baltimore but I just recently moved out to the hills. I love it here, love it. But I gotta say.. .. There's some things that have struck me as odd..."

It was a shame, cause the guy had the look and had a somewhat charismatic way with words, but there is an old saying in hollywood - you can't be funny with a work ethic. That was what 'Rudy' was, the rich nerd who wanted to hang out with the cool kids. And I mean who could blame him? High School never really ends.

Rudy was bombing badly. As his overpreparation was now starting to tip the balance from his well thought out jokes, dissolving that ever so fragil aura you get 1, at most 2 shots to establish. Rudy of course knows this, and with every lessened response to a joke, the more he starts to worry. When you can see it on his face, it's already way too late.

I take another sip of water as I know, somewhere underneath his designer clothing this man is drenched, and sinking fast. I look back to the clock again, feeling myself in the midst of another interval. You see in hollywood, everyone has made it, there is nowhere else to go. The waters are relatively calm, but every once and a while someone will fall from grace and create a ripple so the rest of us can feel important again. We all tune in daily to see the queen of high school puking her guts out, topless at the party. This is my job, the character in the suit, the funny man.

"Ladies and Gentlemen Rudy Gannis!"