Sunday, June 10, 2007

--Herald's Odd Interview

"So honey, you're never going to believe the interview I had today" I explained rather honestly this time, as I picked up a piece of carrot from the cutting board, examining the seemingly foreign marble design. Is this new? Looks new...Might have to check the visa statements tonight.

"Oh?" the thief, so elegant in her grace, responds while setting the last of the utensils onto the table. The whole thing a theme-park of crystal and teflon-ivory-plated shit.

Fucking terrible. My tongue squealed like a school kid in my mouth, frantically trying to avoid the foreign organic substance in my mouth. I had thought maybe after letting my wife influence my diet in the wrong direction I've give 'vegetables' a shot again; as I struggled to get the tasteless earth substance down my throat I remembered once again why I had abandoned them.

In retrospect I should have seen it coming, really. As it would turn out Lacey's lust wasn't for me; rather her lust for anything which existed external to her own smoking body, of which I happened to fall into at the right time and place for a wedding. Not only did I find my wife of 15 years hunting online for bottles of 'authentic Appalachian Mountain Air', but she ended up giving it to me, truly believing that I might want it. Poor girl.

"Yeah" I said, picking up the box of KFC from it's position next to the cutting board, heading over to the table being careful not to drip any grease into the floor -- for that would truly be an error. Yes, we gotta have the fucking KFC but if we drip grease onto the floor then the true injustices to ourselves and our home begins. Poor girl. Still though, KFC tastes great; so long as she keeps herself in shape no harm done.

"Just bizarre -- by far the strangest interview I've ever had" I told her, recalling the day again quickly. "I mean, this guy was brilliant Lace. I've seen a whole lot of programmers, web design wizards and pretty much any other type of us nerds you can find out there, and this guy could have gotten a job anywhere...."

"But... " she asked with a small grin, taking the bag from my hands as I decided to take a seat.

"Well.... yeah, that's the thing! I'll get to that in a second though." Grabbing the bottle of orange soda I proceeded to pour a hefty glass, after which I reached into my pocket to remove a couple of pills to be downed with the orange soda.




"What?" I asked lauging a little ".. I have a headache... .. anyways listen to the job that this guy had before he decided to apply at ITTEX: He constantly repaired a water silo - a water silo! Every day that's what he did."

"What?" Lacey exclaimed, "Why does that matter?" she inquired, almost on the edge of anger as she chomped down on a chicken breast.

"Well.. first off: What kind of silo needs to be repaired every day? I mean... that's some pretty determined water -- and secondly: How do you become an IT guru working on a silo all your life?"

"He probably learned on the internet -- oh, speaking of the net! I saw some more of that Appalachian Air; I think it went on sale actually. You're sure you don't want to give it another try?"

"No.. I don't want the fucking air Lacey."

"Fine. I don't want to hear your fucking story."


I chewed on some popcorn chicken for a while, the pills I had taken starting to kick in. I found a particularly large, mis-shaped popcorn chicken and I laughed at this slightly. Sensing I was having too much fun on my own my lovely wife all the sudden seemed to be back into the conversation.

"So.. well... I still want to know why you had to turn him down, though."

"Well..." I said, eating the rather large popcorn chicken with satisfaction, "I'm not entirely sure. That's sort of why this is really so strange. Lace, this guy could have and likely will get a job at any other place he goes to. I was looking through some of his scripts and they're just.... unbelievable. This guy makes the digital world swoon to his very touch. The types of systems I saw have serious, almost paradigm shifting qualities to them. I know my stuff and I didn't understand some of what he was successfully doing in these algorithms."

"But..." she responded again, getting up to head for the sink. "Our tap water tastes like shit, too, you know... " she added, proceeding to fill up her glass instead of the empty Britta filter on the counter beside her.

"I just didn't trust him, I guess would be the best way to describe it. I don't know... something about him. I mean who learns to program like that working for their family repairing their massive water silo? This guy was smart and he knew it. Something just didn't sit right. I think I even surprised him a bit when I gave him the old 'we'll be in touch line'."

"So that's it?" Lacey asked, moving back to the table now with the diet orange pop.

"Well yeah.. " I exclaimed sort of enthusiastically, like that might push my point over the edge. "I mean that's some pretty crazy stuff, Lace. I essentially turned down making a lot of money for the entire company. You know.. ethics and stuff?"

"Yeah... " she conceded, shrugging a bit, "I just thought it was going to be one of those like....crazy stories. Fuck, Herald, the fact that you chopped up a carrot for some reason and then ate one piece is crazier than that story" Lacey joked, breaking into a bit of laughter herself for some reason.

Despite being a bit doped up at this point I didn't find this at all humorous.

"Here's a crazy story for you -- when did you buy that cutting board? The marble one over there?"

She fell silent, pretending to think. "I can't remember... a while ago I think."

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