Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Obama: Cryptic Rock Star

The 44th President of the United States of America is the first in a number of ways. Besides being black, President Obama is the first President ever to give his inauguration address entirely in musical form. The twenty (out of twenty-four) minute guitar solo, played by President Obama, who opted to not wear a shirt during this process, caught some by surprise.

Ronnie, a DC native, did not approve. "Yeah man, are you kidding? The headband was too much."

"Yeah, it wasn't even so much that it was musical --you know? I like that-- it was that he choose some extended version of November Rain by Guns and Roses. What is that? Plus, for a rock star, he wasn't -that- good." Susan Knowles, a sniper for the United States navy seals, remarked.

The second, and only other song in the inauguration, was not another solo. The newly-sworn in President simply put down his guitar gently, and then snapping his neck up to the crowd with intensity, began to slowly clap in front of himself, staring into the crowd without blinking his eyes. Slowly, but surely, the early nineties rap group 'House of Pain's' hit single 'We Are Family' began to build in volume over the master speakers and the audience erupted into a borderline sexual frenzy.

"It was sublime. I hadn't heard that song since Dance Mix '93, man." Russel Clemmons, a Georgetown sophomore told reporters.

The entirety of Obama's few, select comments during this process, were cryptic at best.

"The 'Rock is gonna Rock, and then it's gonna roll, baby" he whispered on the verge of laughter after first taking to the podium.

"Alright check it, let me tell you this in closing: I know we might seem imposing, but trust me if we ever show in your section, believe me its for your own protection." This quote, spoken with confidence and clarity before he blessed America, was later confirmed to be from Will Smith's 1997 hit single 'Men in Black.'

President Obama is a lefty, and the fourth youngest President. Only time will tell if his time in office will continue to be as novel as his entrance so far.

Associated Press.

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